Go placidly amid the noise and haste

This is the talk given by Jaime Spellings at Decoration on May 7, 2023.

One of my favorite passages of spiritual guidance is not from the Bible. It’s called the Desiderata and was written by Max Ehrmann. The opening line reads as follows: “Go placidly amid the noise and haste and remember what peace there may be in silence.” The cemetery here in Heflin and the tradition of Decoration Sunday help me do just that.

I came to the tradition of Decoration Sunday by marrying into the Burns family. I’ve enjoyed looking at some of the pictures of my earliest visits to Heflin. Sadly, we brought your stillborn son, Sam, here in 1989. Later pictures show us bringing Paul, then Henry and then Sarah. Even in the middle of such a sacred tradition, normal human emotions creep in. My favorite conversation on the way home from Decoration Sunday is the inevitable comparison of how much of each dessert is left over. But I can honestly say that every time that I’ve come to Heflin on the first Sunday in May, I’ve found at least a little peace and perspective.

Margaret and I have had a lot happen in the last few months, including the wedding of our daughter, the death of both our mothers, and my retirement from Exxon after over 31 years. Up until now, I would say that we have not done the best job of either “going placidly” or finding “peace in silence.” If we look around us at the broader world today, it seems as if there are a lot of things conspiring to keep us from “going placidly” and most definitely from finding any peace or silence. Our phones and our messages and our email and our instagram leave us no peace. And the algorithms that serve us stories are honed to provoke outrage, not peace.

But here in the middle of Brown County on a beautiful spring Sunday morning, we have the chance to pause, reflect, honor our ancestors, grieve for those we never got to know. Walking through this small patch of central Texas helps me get a better perspective on my life. At Sarah, our daughter’s wedding few weeks ago, I made the point in my toast to her that she and her brothers were seventh generation Texans on both Margaret’s side of the family and my side. Margaret’s family of course came here in Brown county. My ancestors came from East Texas and the town of Marshall. A few years back, Margaret and I went to look at the vault where James Harper Starr’s journals were kept. It was fascinating to read the detailed, hand-written notes of my great-great-great- grandfather’s day — bought a new buggy whip, daughter had a cold, had lunch with a friend. He had the exact same human concerns that we have today.

The wedding of your children focuses your attention in the other direction — the future. We hope that our children will find loving spouses and bring their own children into the world. A hundred years from now, I would like to think that our great-great grandchildren may gather here and see markers with our names and wonder what we were like.

So how best to do a better job of “going placidly” and “finding peace”? For me, it comes back to the precise elements of what we are doing today. Honor those who came before us and gave us life. Nurture the family and the community ties that connect us today. Teach our children and their children by example to do the same.

The closing lines of the Desiderata read as follows: “And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful . Strive to be happy.